It has recently come to my attention that I might be a human garbage can. Please consider the following evidence:
I recently ate half of box of old spaghetti directly out of a soup pot. I did not cook the spaghetti in said pot, I just ate out of it because I needed more breathing room than a bowl would allow. That same day I ingested what many would objectively say is too much cheese ( I politely disagree). While on the toilet, I wrote myself this note:
The next morning, after spending a considerable amount of time in my office(I get some of my best reading done during office hours), I scoured my fridge for any cheese that might have survived what will henceforth be called The Great Manchego Massacre of 2017. Instead of rogue cheese, I found the makings of a very weird salad consisting of tortilla chips, red onions, poorly shredded lettuce, and Tapatio(es una salsa…es muy salsa).
After this breakfast of champions, I needed to get dressed. I found a weird skirt that makes me look like a mushroom on my bedroom floor but there were no clean shirts in sight. I did what any red-blooded adult woman would do and turned it into a no bra required dress. I whispered as I stared in the mirror “dressing for success is 100% mind over body, live like nobody’s watching.” I’m still not quite sure if I am indeed made of /filled with garbage or the best thing that has ever happened to me…Summer in the winter, laughing through my tears – you know?
A recent photo of the author